Ethanol was having great difficulty connecting to the internet. He had lowered himself from one of the cables attached to the ceiling so he could check the cables behind the computer. Even though Loafer had offered to help him sort out the problem, Ethanol loved to do things by himself whether or not it was someone else’s job.
Loafer: Let me take a look, Ethanol. Have you tried rebooting the system?
Ethanol: Reboot?! I don’t know what the heck that means, besides I’m going to figure it out for myself. You IT guys aren’t always there when people need you.
Loafer: Actually, I’m not just your IT guy, Ethanol. I’ve been taking digital marketing courses online so I understand Facebook ads, SEO and all that stuff. If we didn’t work for a secret government agency, I would have posted some of my certifications on Linkedin.
Ethanol: Glad to hear you’re improving yourself because I was starting to ask myself what exactly you contribute to the team.
Loafer: You really don’t need to hang from the roof to check your Ethernet cable, Ethanol. Come down from the rope and let me handle it… and you don’t need the goggles either.
Ethanol: You know you’re really starting to piss me off. I enjoy you more over the intercom. Go to the other room, get on the intercom and walk me through the problem.
Loafer: Actually Ethanol, Windows’ troubleshooting is quite user-friendly, so you won’t need anyone to walk you through it at all.
Ethanol: You’re sure it’s going to be easy to fix? Cos I could easily climb to a mountain peak so as to improve the internet connection, it’s no problem.
Loafer: I still don’t get why you enjoy climbing stuff so much – mountains, buildings, helicopters…
Ethanol: You wouldn’t – you’re up to six feet. Now, let’s get this sorted quickly cos I’m expecting an important email.
Loafer: I thought you didn’t like email. I though you liked to receive all your messages by hand delivered clandestine service.
Ethanol: No, I was only using the hand delivered clandestine service because some of the important emails were getting lost in my spam folder. Plus, at times I was embarrassed to give out my old Yahoo email address for corporate emails. You see, email@example.com doesn’t sound very professional. But ever since you helped me open my Gmail account, I’ve been getting all the emails about our missions – and a lot less spam. So you can go ahead and cancel our subscription to the hand delivered clandestine service.
Loafer: This is great, Ethanol. I’ve always felt that emails are a lot better for office safety than those self-destructing packages. Now, you can just delete the emails after reading them… Hey Ethanol, I’ve found the problem, your computer has been on Airplane mode all this time!
Ethanol: Great! Now I can finally read my email. What’s this?! It says the Government is considering retiring our entire team and replacing us with agents in their twenties and thirties! You and I know our team is the best at this job – Quick open the window while I throw out the laptop so it self-destructs!
Loafer: Really Ethanol, you can just delete the email.